More Xenophobia

A major European crisis erupted in Southern Spain yesterday after thousands of British ex-pats living in the Marbella region declared independence from Madrid, pledging their allegiance to the British crown, and asserting their historical right to self determination as part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain, Northern Ireland and the Costa del Sol.


The declaration was made at the Benny Hill Bar in Benidorm, as patriotic Brits asserted their right to march through nationalist areas of Spain wearing Union Jack shorts singing ‘Agadoo’ and the theme from ‘The Great Escape’.

Spanish police had previously banned the symbolic British late night conga following last year’s riots when they provoked Spanish citizens by shouting "Oi Manuel, this Basil, this slap on head!"

The British community living on the Mediterranean coast has historically remained very separate from the rest of the Spain, symbolically clinging to their own language, describing the native cuisine as ‘foreign muck’ and only watching the English Premiership while drinking fizzy British bitter. The community consists mainly of elderly Daily Express readers talking about how much they got for their house in England, former lottery winners and retired gangland criminals who moved to Spain to avoid extradition.




One Conservative backbenchers welcomed the declaration; ‘Our people have been persecuted by the Spanish for long enough. Why should they have to pay in Euros and have road signs in kilometres? Britain should be prepared to send troops to defend this part of Britain if necessary.’




The Spanish government has so far refused to discuss any form of power-sharing between Britain and Spain for the Costa del Sol, suggesting that if the Brits want to be ruled by Britain, they should go back and live there. "Oh no, we wouldn’t want to go back to England…" responded one British ex-pat. "It’s full of foreigners."